Some time ago, I was talking to my friend. So called night talk, sincere, deep, even spiritual. Discussion about emotions, feelings, self-awarness, how we really express it. And he said one specific sentence :
“You know Joana, hell is not hot, hell is not somewhere there after death. Hell is cold and frosty, and it is here although you do not want to realize it.”
Well, that unfortunately makes sense, I thought. Hell is cold like a fridge, like Antarctic. Cold, iced. Do you know what emotional coldness is? Do you know how it is to be cut off your feelings? This is hell – my, maybe yours. This is hell we create to ourselves. Sometimes for some time, sometimes for the entire life. And we claim and convince ourselves that this power, determination, force.
4 simple questions:
- When do we start to descend to hell?
- Why do we descend to hell?
- How do we descend to hell?
- What is the “purpose” of descending to hell?
You may descend to the frosty hell when you feel fear , you got hurt, rejected. Sometime you may call your fear with different name like: fate, karma, bad luck, this kind of life. You ( and I) look for different excuses, give different name not to face it. Only not to call it REAL NAME.
You descend when you think you want to feel safe. When you think you prefer not to feel. Because feeling pains. And you think it is safer to be cut off feelings. Beacuse they were hurt, rejected, unrespected. When you cut them off you will feel safe. There will not be pain any more. And you start to live- taugh, strong, nothing can move you. You put various masks on. You escape, you firght. Sometimes your maska appera as arogance, cynism, fight. Sometise the look like withdrawal, separation. And sometimes they are less obvious. They look good, look like possitive attitude, possitive actions. You are like therapist, helper, activist. You are still on duty and in service. First duties , obligations, sacrifition, and late duties, obligations, sacrifition. Alle day on duty. No time for being face to face with yourself, not time for listening to your thoughts and feelings. No time and no space to face the fridge. Your emotional fridge, because otherwise you would have to do something with it.
You cannot let it come. Sometimes you call it status quo. I will not be changing anything, this is merely ok, I will not risk anything. Sometimes you call commitment, sacrifice, duty (put here whatever you want). We are very creative not to face our frozen feelings. And if you have just noticed that this is about you, that you are in the fridge- it is ok.
This is how defrosting begins, slowly, but irrevocably. How to leave the fridge? Just admit, you have got feelings and emotions. Accept your fear and pain, accept is as a part for you. Give the right to live- hot, full of revealed feelings and emotions. All emotions expressed. Give yourself right to love.
That is it. That is all. This is as simple as that. No philosophy, no pompous claims. Just live foulness of feelings although it sometimes pains. But both pain, bliss, pleasure are vivid. And the fridge? Good place to keep ice cream. That is it. 🙂